A weekend in Inverness

One of Scotland’s smaller cities, Inverness huddles at the mouth of the River Ness. Despite having room for barely 60,000 residents, you might expect it to produce quite a roar. After all, a monster gargles at its river source, Loch Ness. And dark mythological and historical tales, from Macbeth’s murderous ambition to Cromwell’s savagery, swill around the fast-flowing waters that bisect its Victorian sandstone streets and industrial port before spewing into the Moray Firth. However, the only memories of the Highlands’ capital that my partner Andy and I have from our previous visit 11 years ago are of a traditional music museum and a studenty curry house. So we’re hoping a decade as a ‘millennium city’ has given Inverness a more confident voice. The weather forecast is for hurricane-like conditions, so the plan is to mix blasts of east-coast air with snug, weatherproof boltholes…

Saturday am

10 am Blood and Thunder
A statue of Flora MacDonald is gazing to Skye from Inverness’s sandstone castle. ‘She’s waiting to hear news of Bonnie Prince Charlie,’ says Gordon Pearson, the kilted young guide from tour company WOW Scotland (07919 157067), who’s taking us on a whirlwind walk around the city’s medieval remnants. ‘It’s our prettiest story.’ Not so what follows! We chase 16th-century witch-hunts that end in barrels of boiling tar. We hear about Jacobite Highlanders who charged naked at invading Cromwellian forces. And we stand in the riverside graveyard of the Old High Church, where said Jacobites were executed after losing the Battle of Culloden. Wow indeed. Afterwards, we reel into The Whisky Shop (17 Bridge St) for a restorative dram of 12-year-old Dalmore.

Saturday pm

12pm A riverside prom
Fishermen stand in the Ness by Ladies Walk, where the river first encounters saltwater. We’ve dawdled in drizzle across the Ness Islands, which, with pedestrian bridges, link the banks. ‘I could live here,’ says Andy suddenly. We ate at the glass-fronted Kitchen (01463 259119) last night, so we pick Rocpool Restaurant (01463 717274), where squash and feta fritters with chilli couscous do nothing to quell Andy’s enthusiasm.

2pm Date with Dolphins
The weather’s too iffy for a boat trip, so we motor along the Black Isle peninsula, past russet-coloured fishing boats and a church pushing ‘craic and coffee’, to Chanonry Point. Bottlenose dolphins leap in the incoming tide here, and a crowd is already waiting. ‘We saw two pods on our last visit,’ say a couple from Nairn, hopefully. Cameras swivel across slate-coloured water towards mighty Fort George, then sharply to the water. But no, it’s two seals. ‘The dolphins are fickle today – perhaps they can hear your English accents,’ we’re told. Cheek!

4pm Jigs and reads
Scooting back to Inverness, there’s just time to catch the final accordion wheezes of Saturday’s Super Ceilidh session at Hootananny (01463 233651), which is constantly voted Inverness’s best traditional bar. Then we scuttle through the rain to Leakey’s secondhand bookshop (on Church Street), a cavernous converted Gaelic church where we flick happily through vintage Highland prints till closing time.

8pm A night with Le Roux
‘Albert Roux restaurant’ are three welcome words on a blustery night. We’re staying at the Rocpool Reserve Hotel (no relation to our lunch spot), knocking back pre-dinner martinis a bit too fast and puzzling over a cartoon on the wall that features the chef, Boy George and charcuterie. ‘The humour’s very French,’ is our waiter’s explanation. So is Chez Roux’s country-style cooking. Cod with purple broccoli and brown shrimps, and apricot frangipane tart trigger ‘oohs’ from nearby tables. We’ve got a bubbling hot tub with our name on it back at our suite. As we slip away, our waiter chases after us with homemade truffles and we decide that the Rocpool absolutely rocks.

Sunday am

11am Nessie nostalgia
Theories about Loch Ness – was it home to a surviving plesiosaur or paddling circus elephants? – so permeated our 1970s childhoods that we can’t resist a pilgrimage to the proverbial ‘murky depths’. It’s only 15 minutes to whitewashed Dores Inn (01463 751203), on the shore of Loch Ness, where a strong wind’s shooing waves across the loch’s sole beach. A cutesy caravan belonging to a resident Nessie hunter sits in the car park, but we only manage a quick squint at substantial rain-dashed waters before diving inside for (lovely) cappuccinos.

1pm A seaside scramble
There’s just time for a squally dip into Nairn – ten minutes beyond the airport – before our flight. I’ve seen its lunar sands in interviews with A-lister resident Tilda Swinton, but we hop over salmon-coloured sandstone rockpools, too. A quick bowlful of creamy Cullen skink at the Basil Harbour Café (134 Harbour St, 01667 454774), where the chat’s about jazz drumming, and we’re ready to roll. We’ve weathered the storm, and had a blast doing it. Inverness, I hear you.

Need to know

Stay at…
Rocpool Reserve Hotel
First impressions don’t get much better than an umbrella held aloft as you walk from car to entrance. This five-star boutique hotel near the castle is brilliant on service. Rooms, from £185 B&B, are very slinky and categorised as Hip, Chic, Decadent or Extra Decadent. Breakfasts render lunch almost redundant with a fusion of Scottish fry-ups and French croissants. Culduthel Road, Inverness (01463 240089, www.rocpool.com).

Also try...
Kingsmills Hotel
Not as central, but a new spa makes this four-star converted provost’s house a soothing option after a day’s hiking. Double B&B from £80. Culcabock Road, Inverness (01463 237166, www.kingsmillshotel.com).

Getting there

EasyJet flies from London Luton, Gatwick and Bristol, and has fares from £18.99 one-way. See Skyscanner.net for other choices. Car-hire companies operate from the airport including Focus Vehicle Rental (01463 709517, www.invernesscarhire.co.uk). Trains operate on the East Coast line, or connect with First ScotRail. By car, the most direct route is the A9, while the A82 is longer but more scenic (www.visitlochness.com).