Short breaks in London for children at the Athenaeum Hotel

You might not know much about chocolate mug cupcakes and prankology - can’t say I know a lot about them myself - but a couple of guys who do are children’s entertainers Sharky and George. They’ve hosted parties for the likes of Paul McCartney and one of their most recent exploits involved flying kids in by helicopter for a James-Bond-style event. If this freaks you out more than the idea of Smartie sucking, rest assured you won’t have to foot the bill for it. All you have to do to avail of their services is book yourself into London’s Athenaeum Hotel, a five-star hotel that doesn’t just pay lip service to being ‘family friendly’ - it really is.

In fact it’s family friendly from the moment we arrive, when the duty manager comes out to shake hands with nine-year-old Joey and seven-year-old Eibhan, while a large group of Japanese tourists wait respectfully behind us, wondering who these super-important children are. And it’s still about the children when we arrive at our roomy family apartment with a smart townhouse entrance accessed through a ‘secret door’ at the side of the hotel. The big dining-room table is loaded with treats for the kids - London sticker books, children’s maps, teddies and yo-yos (met with shouts of ‘what’s this?’) to take home; tennis racquets and balls, a football, board games, a kite and a Wii to use during their stay.

Green Park is just across the road and perfect for outdoor games but could we get them away from the Wii and the huge menu of games available to order from reception? Not a chance. There are CD and DVD menus to choose from (free popcorn), child-sized bathrobes in the bedroom and the mini-bar - free! - is bulging with juices, water, soft drinks, snacks and chocolate. Even the feedback form is designed to be filled in by the kids.

Top class facilities

The apartment has a fully stocked kitchen - including a washer/dryer, cooker and microwave - the children sleep on bunk beds (magically transformed from a velvet couch in the living room - just another one of the exciting events of the weekend ). There’s a sumptuous grown-up bedroom with stylish mirrored furniture and a marble bathroom, two large flat-screen TVs and bay windows looking out towards Green Park. Back in the main hotel there’s a children’s playroom, which is a corporate boardroom during the week. One can only imagine businessmen watching 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs' on a permanent DVD loop, getting down and dirty with Cluedo and Junior Scrabble, and stuffing themselves with free Mars bars!

Grown-up treats

I was worried that the children wouldn’t be happy to be left alone during their activity session with the Sharky team - two hours of cooking classes and mayhem in the apartment - but they wouldn’t have noticed if myself and mum Fiona had abseiled out of the window once Mr Sharky turned up. As we left the boys were spinning plates on sticks - if anyone from the Athenaeum is reading this I’d like to point out they were plastic rather than from our kitchen...

And so we sneaked off for the ‘Evergreen’ afternoon tea downstairs in the Garden Room; delicious finger sandwiches, orange blossom scones, toasted crumpets and pastries decorated with flowers. A ‘rare tea’ menu is presented alongside the standards, and we treat ourselves to glasses of Rose Petal Champagne (Evergreen tea, £28.50 per person; £35 with champagne).

We did manage to drag the kids out for some air after their Sharky session - leaving behind a pile of washing up that had magically disappeared when we got back. Past the designer shops on Bond St to lovely Shepherd’s Market with its buzzy restaurants, bars and ‘hidden village’ vibe, through the posh streets of Mayfair - the kids were hugely impressed when they found out Madonna lived here - and Berkeley Square with its flashy car showrooms.

Five-star dining

Back at the hotel for dinner that night it was still all about the kids. ‘If it’s a five-star hotel, is this a five-star restaurant?’ Joey asked the restaurant manager worriedly (in case, God forbid, it might not be and he‘d be done out of the chance of his first ever five-star meal). ‘It is,’ he was earnestly assured and, to prove the point, their dinner from the children’s menu (another Joey worry - maybe the kids' meals wouldn’t be really five-star?) was ‘master-cheffed’ up with a nouvelle-cuisine presentation of their chicken goujons and chips. And the Pudding Parlour - a help-yourself dessert buffet laid out in the Garden Room - was just the right thing to keep everyone happy. Great value for non-residents too - just £10 for one trip to the buffet and a fill-up from a dessert selection that included mini rhubarb crumble, macaroons, champagne jelly, chocolate tart, lemon pie and possibly the best sticky toffee pudding ever.

What else to do?

And when you’re mug-caked, pranked and master-cheffed out, what else? Well there’s a concierge to advise on sightseeing trips and pick you up a few tickets to the hottest London shows - yes, even the ones that are totally sold out. Current hot favourites include The Lion King, Thriller, Les Miserables, Legally Blonde, The Lady Killers, Shrek The Musical, Wicked, Matilda and The Mousetrap (well, it’s only been running for ** years). Other popular family destinations are the National History Museum just down the road, the British Museum, London Eye, Tower of London and the Sherlock Holmes museum in Baker St.

But the last word has to go to the men of the moment, the stars of the weekend, the kids. What did they think of it?
‘Truly, truly five-star,’ said Joey.
‘Six thousand star,’ said Eibhan.

Prices and how to book
Apartments for the February half term from £399 for four people. Bespoke packages, created in consultation with Sharky and George specifically for the children’s interests, from £220 (for up to four children). Sample packages include chocolate making (£220), music workshops (£350), London treasure hunt (£350) and film-making (£400). Prices do not include VAT which is an additional extra. Our pizza making and games session cost £280 plus VAT.

For a cheaper option, sign up to one of the scheduled Shaky and George workshops during half term, for £25 per child. Choose from a circus skills master class (February 11), a chocolate workshop (February 18) or getting into the great outdoors with a games session in Green Park (February 14).
Athenaeum Hotel, 116 Piccadilly, London; for more information and to book visit www.athenaeumhotel.com or phone 020 7499 3464.