Have the confidence to say ‘NO!’

Happy families need boundaries

Your six-year-old daughter claims she’s a social outcast because she hasn’t been taken to Disneyland, and her campaign of relentless whining is driving you to distraction.

• What the experts say… The pressure to say ‘yes’ for the sake of an easy life is enormous. Professor Cary Cooper, head of psychology and health at Lancaster University, sums up: “Working couples have little disposable time, and often assuage their guilt by buying gifts.” Giving in creates problems for the future – set the precedent of acquiescence, and your children will learn that your resolve can easily be challenged. Personal finance expert Alvin Hall suggests you teach your children to prioritise their desires. “Put the argument in practical terms that your child can understand,” he advises. “Suggest that she considers what she’s prepared to give up in order to go to Disneyland. Pocket money? Clothes?” 

• Say ‘No’ now Children of all ages need boundaries, so make the rules clear from the outset and there will be no confusion regarding their expectations. Don’t worry about them looking miserable in front of their friends. Just let them say, “My mother says I can’t.”