Have the confidence to say ‘NO!’

Getting the balance right at work

It’s 6.30pm in the office. Most of the day has been spent completing spreadsheets for a technophobe workmate and answering your boss’s calls. The boss’s chaotic childcare means she’s more out of the office than in, so your own work gets pushed to the bottom of the pile. Tomorrow’s presentation isn’t finished, but a colleague is having a leaving do. Stressed out, you leave your work and head for the bar so you don’t look standoffish.

• What the experts say… Being a people pleaser at work is not the way to succeed. According to the Tilburg University research, men are rewarded for being outgoing, but workplace socialising has no impact on female careers. If trying to keep everyone in the office happy is interfering with your own work, psychologist Dr Pauline Rennie Peyton – author of ‘Dignity at Work’ (Brunner-Routledge, £10.99) – advises you should be firm, without being aggressive. “Put a stop to the expectation of being ‘good old Jane’ by telling yourself, ‘I’ve got myself into this situation, and now I want it to stop’,” she says. “It’s easier than you think. Not saying ‘yes’ is simply the fastest way to learn to say ‘no’. Once you’ve bitten your lip and done it a couple of times, you’ll have
broken the habit.”

• Say ‘No’ now If a colleague repeatedly asks you for help and you end up doing their work for them, then next time insist they watch while you show them how. If they’ve asked for your help out of sheer laziness, they’ll soon get bored – and start doing it themselves.