Queen Elizabeth II: the woman behind the role

Daughter

There was always something rather charming about the way the Queen addressed her elderly mother. ‘Look, Mummy!’ I remember her once saying as she and the Queen Mother walked towards me at a Buckingham Palace reception. I was standing with ITV’s royal correspondent at the time, Nick Owen. ‘Mummy!’ the Queen repeated. ‘You know those two. They’re always on television. Let’s go and have a chat.’ There’s no doubt that Elizabeth adored her mother – and indeed her father, whose sudden death saw her accede to the throne, aged just 25. And they adored her, too. As a child, she'd enjoyed a carefree family life with her parents, then the Duke and Duchess of York, and her sister, Margaret. There was no thought at that time, of Elizabeth becoming Queen. Her Uncle Edward (called David by the family) was in line for the throne and no-one foresaw his abdication. Her destiny changed when she was just ten years old and she watched her parents take on roles they had never wanted, as King and Queen. As she grew up, she learned from them and even in her 70s, the Queen would call ‘Mummy’ every day for a chat and, perhaps, a word of advice. And, there was one topic that neither ever tired of: horse-racing. It was a passion they shared until the end of the Queen Mother’s life at the grand old age of 101.

Sister

Elizabeth and Margaret were very different characters: Lilibet, as she was known, was rather serious and almost fanatically tidy; Margaret was extrovert and headstrong. But they remained close as sisters through thick and thin. As children, they depended on one another a great deal – thrown together in a royal world where school was not an option. Instead, they had lessons at home with their governess Marion Crawford – or ‘Crawfie’, as they affectionately called her. Even though Margaret was often naughty, Lilibet was always protective – getting her out of innumerable scrapes.

In adulthood, the Queen helped to guide her sister through the emotional minefield of a romance with a divorced man, Peter Townsend. Later, she had to stand by and see Margaret’s marriage to Anthony Armstrong-Jones disintegrate into divorce. Margaret was one of the few people who would dare lose their temper with the Queen. Even as an adult, she’d occasionally shout at her. Once she’s said to have thrown a dishcloth in her face during a picnic at Balmoral. But they never fell out for long and it remains a sadness to the Queen that her sister never found lasting personal happiness.

Wife

Almost 65 years of married life! It’s a long time. But there’s still a spark of romance about the Queen and Prince Philip that’s charming to witness. Watch them at many a public event and you’ll see a special glance, a quick smile: an acknowledgement that they’ve shared a whole lifetime together and understand one another almost without the need to talk. Elizabeth fell for her man when she was just 13. She was visiting Dartmouth Royal Naval College with her parents when Philip – tall, blonde and quite a knockout – was assigned to show the young princesses around. It’s tough for any man to play second fiddle to his wife. And Philip is a proud man. But he has always said that his first and foremost duty is to support the Queen. To that end, he gave up the naval career he loved. It was a big sacrifice and one that Elizabeth publicly recognised by making her husband Lord High Admiral of the Navy on his 90th birthday.

As one of her cousins once told me, the Queen uses her feminine wiles to placate Philip. At home, she lets him wear the trousers in every sense: running the estates, making the big decisions and sometimes bossing her about. He is, after all, the only one who’d dare. They’re not the sort of couple to show their emotions but, on their golden wedding anniversary, the Queen put her feelings on record. ‘Prince Philip,’ she said, ‘is someone who doesn’t take easily to compliments but he has, quite simply, been my strength and stay all these years. And I owe him a debt greater than he would ever claim, or we shall ever know.’

Mother

There’s no doubt that this has been the trickiest role for the Queen to negotiate. She’s been a full-time working mother since Prince Charles was three, in a job that has demanded long stretches away from home. Of course she’s had all the back-up, support and nannies anyone could want – but it doesn’t make the relationship between mother and offspring any easier. When Charles and Anne were young, the Queen was still getting to grips with her many official duties. By the time Andrew came along – after a ten-year gap – and then Edward, four years later, the Queen was more relaxed about her job and determined to spend more time with them. Many people say the two youngest are her favourites, though Anne is certainly very close to her mother.

It’s been hard for the Queen to watch three of her children’s marriages break down. She’s intensely private, and to see their squabbles splashed over the papers in lurid detail was traumatic. But she rarely intervened. The scars run deepest in her relationship with Charles. There’s often an awkwardness when they are together. But, at one of his birthday parties, he made it obvious that he admires her both as a mother and as sovereign. ‘Mummy,’ he said – to peals of laughter – ‘coupled, of course, with Your Majesty. I don’t quite know how you’ve put up with me for all these years!’ Today, all but Prince Andrew are settled, though he still seems to enjoy a good relationship with his ex-wife, Fergie. At last, these are calmer waters for the Queen and her children.

Grandmother

It must be strange to have to bow or curtsey to your grandmother – but all eight of the Queen’s grandchildren have been brought up to respect the institution she embodies, as well as to love their granny. She’s an important figure in all their lives, from the eldest – Anne’s son Peter Phillips, 34, to the youngest, Edward’s four-year-old son James, Viscount Severn. But none depend on her wisdom and experience as much as Prince William, whose relationship with his grandmother is going from strength to strength. She’s always keen for him to ask questions – and he says there’s nothing she won’t already know about. It’s funny to watch them together – 6ft 3in William towering over his 5ft 4in granny. But you could certainly see the pride in her eyes when she went to William’s base at RAF Valley, shortly before his wedding. And he was clearly chuffed to be showing her his helicopter.

She’s immensely proud of all her grandchildren – especially Zara Phillips, who shares her love of horses. And, not long ago, the Queen was pictured on horseback enjoying a gentle ride with her two youngest grandchildren, Lady Louise Windsor, now eight, and her brother James. Proof, if it were needed, that the Queen really is rather a cool granny.

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See Queen Elizabeth II by Cecil Beaton: A Diamond Jubilee Celebration at the V&A London until April 22, a collection of portraits of the Queen in her roles as princess, monarch and mother, including a number of photographs never before seen as well as excerpts from Beaton’s diaries and letters. For more information visit the V&A website