What your mother didn't tell you about menopause...

Google the M-word and you'll find a scarily long list of symptoms your mother omitted to mention about the menopause. It could be that she simply thought they were A Woman's Lot and you just had to put up with them - but they're not and you don't. In fact, your problem is that you have more choices than your mother ever did. Will you take HRT, bio-identical HRT, black cohosh or exercise like a fiend to get rid of hot flushes? Do you draw up a management plan to get the better of the menopause or decide to sweat it out? You can read what the experts advise below, but there's one question that only your mum can answer: Find out how old she was when her periods stopped, because it could well be the same for you. Read on for the information that could make it easier for you:

 Hot flushes are not inevitable

One woman in four sails through the menopause without turning scarlet so often that the MD thinks she fancies him, as happened to one GH reader. If you're one of the unlucky majority, check your cholesterol level and get advice on bringing it down. Recent research shows it can be high in women who suffer from hot flushes. Read more on beating the heat

Your bum won't look so big

At last you can look forward to trimmer hips and thighs because, post-menopause, you store body fat differently. The downside is that the fat accumulates round your middle. Hang on to your waist by limiting processed carbs and taking up brisk walking and Pilates.

You can't delay the menopause

You are born with a specific number of eggs and that's it. You can't extend your fertile years, but you can unwittingly cut them short. Smokers can reach menopause as early as 45. If your ovaries are removed when you have a hysterectomy, it's instant, and even if they're left behind, you'll get there two years earlier.

The Pill doubles as HRT

It contains higher levels of oestrogen than HRT, which stops symptoms. You might want to see how you feel without it, though, because the cut-off age for taking it is 50.

Symptoms can start in your 30s

Erratic periods, tantrums, tears, and disturbed sleep can strike way before the menopause. But if full-blown symptoms, such as hot flushes, begin before the age of 45, you could experience an early menopause and may want to consider medication to protect your bones.

Stress makes you as hot as a heatwave

It not only triggers hot flushes, but also burdens your adrenal glands. Their primary role is to produce stress hormones but, given the chance, they create useful amounts of oestrogen, too. Lighten their load by exercising to burn off stress and eating complex carbs and protein to stabilise blood sugar - and your moods. Read more on natural stress remedies

You study the Tena ads

The reduction in female hormones weakens your bladder and pelvic floor, making it hard to resist the urge to pee. Strengthen the muscles by doing 24 pelvic floor lifts a day and limit coffee and spicy foods, which may irritate the bladder.

Vitamin E may improve your sex life

Inserting a vitamin E capsule into your vagina nightly for six weeks can help with vaginal dryness, says Marilyn Glenville, author of 'The Natural Health Bible For Women'. Gynaecologist Dr Heather Currie recommends prescription lubricants like Replens or oestrogen supplements. Find out more at www.menopausematters.co.uk.

You'll want to buy volumising shampoo

Thinning hair, another consequence of dwindling oestrogen levels, does nothing for your self-esteem. It can be caused by lack of iron, so ask your GP for a test to rule out anaemia. A cocktail of vitamins B, C and E, plus zinc and linseed, can boost it, says Marilyn Glenville. And if all else fails, hair-loss expert Lucinda Ellery offers extra-fine extensions at salons in Manchester and London.

Prozac can zap hot flushes

Some antidepressants may limit hot flushes, though they're not something you'd want to take without thought and discussion with your GP. But for breast-cancer sufferers who can't take HRT and whose treatment can add to the misery of hot flushes, they could be a sanity-saver in more ways than one. Read more on cheer-me-up remedies

Grapes may block symptoms and breast cancer

Resveratrol, found in grape skins, is one plant hormone that appears to boost oestrogen, and may prevent tumours. But don't all rush at once because research is still at an early stage.

You could try bio-identical treatment

‘After one day, I felt the veil lift,' says Oprah Winfrey, talking about bio-identical HRT. Blended to suit your own hormonal profile, it may contain testosterone, growth and thyroid hormones, and the super-hormone DHEA, alongside oestrogen and progesterone. It's often described as ‘natural', but the hormones are made in a lab - just like regular HRT. More importantly, bio-identical HRT hasn't been scientifically tested, so any possible risks are unclear. Read more on how celebrities cope with the menopause

 You're not too young to have aching joints

Oestrogen can protect cartilage and act as an anaesthetic, so it's no wonder joint pain is common at the menopause. If you don't want to start on HRT, try increasing your intake of inflammation-fighting omega 3s. A good source is oily fish, such as salmon or tuna, and two portions a week are recommended. Read more on treating joint aches without drugs

Brain fog gets better

Midlife memory loss is temporary, according to a study by the University of California. It found that, though 60% of 42- to 52-year-olds complained of forgetfulness, after the menopause they were as sharp as they had been in their 30s.

You could still get pregnant

 So remember to keep using contraception until you've been period-free for a year - two years if you're under 50. Read more on contraception for the over-40s

HRT could help, not harm, your heart

HRT was thought to prevent heart disease, which rises after menopause - until a study showed it may increase the risk. But some specialists disagree: ‘The average age of women in the study was 63 - they weren't menopausal,' says consultant gynaecologist Mike Savvas. Under 60, HRT could protect the heart.

Herbs probably won't help

It seems logical that plant oestrogens, like black cohosh, could boost your own reserves. But according to the Cochrane Centre, which reviews evidence for the NHS, they won't.

Your voice gets sexier

A deeper, smokier voice is common because the menopause affects your vocal cords. But if it's an effort to speak, see your GP.

Migraine may disappear

Periods often trigger migraines, so when they go, the headaches may, too. Two-thirds of women say their symptoms improve after the menopause, according to The Migraine Trust. Read more on headache causes

Your life will be much richer

No more tampons (which have cost you around £1,300 so far) and no more PMS - what's not to like? Many women feel more energetic than they have for years, which is fantastic because you have more than a third of your life left to live. So enjoy it!