How to get everyone to like you

These five easy steps will transform you from wallflower to people-magnet in minutes...

Show you like them

The extent to which others like you will increase if they feel you like them. ‘Reciprocal liking works by reading signals off each other; when we receive positive signals, we feel compelled to respond,' says Rachel MacLynn, relationship expert for matchmaking agency www.seventy-thirty.com. ‘So if you show someone you like them, there's more chance of them liking you back. By doing so, you enter a "virtuous cycle" and as long as it's not broken, you'll grow to like each other more and more.'

Connect with your eyes

If you want to be instantly likeable, show genuine interest by maintaining eye contact. ‘Staring over a person's shoulder isn't welcoming,' says hypnotherapist Victoria Wills (www.victoriawills.com). ‘But don't pin them to the wall with your insistent stare. Glancing away is natural.' If you struggle with direct eye contact, move your eyes slowly and smoothly around a person's face in a fixed pattern: left eye, right eye, nose, back to left eye and so on. ‘It's a normal eye movement, so no one will notice,' adds Victoria.

Be conversation confident

‘Your tongue is like a doormat embossed with either "welcome" or "go away",' says Leil Lowndes, author of 'How to Talk to Anyone' (HarperThorsons, £8.99). She advises keeping small talk finely tuned and topical. Form your opinions before a party or event - check the day's newspaper headlines, then practise airing your views on your partner or a friend before you go out. ‘Gauge the crowd,' says Leil. ‘Match mood and energy levels and consider their interests by listening for clues as they speak. If they mention they love gardening, jump on it! Just trill back, "Oh, you're a keen gardener!" If the clues aren't obvious, parrot back what they last said in question format ("So, you say it was a great presentation?") and keep the spotlight on them.'

Match their tone

During conversation, what matters most is not what we say, but how we say it. Life coach and NLP expert Trudy Hill suggests that, just as you'd mirror body language to help connect, you can use tone to your advantage, too. ‘Studies show that 93 per cent of what comes across in conversation is unrelated to the words and content. What counts is our rapport,' she explains. ‘This is how well we make others feel as though we've connected with them. Create it by matching their tone and talking speed.'

Be a good listener

‘Use facial expressions and eye contact to show you are genuinely and sympathetically listening,' says 'This Morning' presenter Ruth Langsford (www.ruthlangsford.tv). ‘Repeating back their main points suggests you know where they're coming from. Real listening, known as empathic listening, is not just hearing passively, but feeling what another person is going through without judging them. Slot in the words "feel", "need" or "think" in your response. You'll be a better,more likeable person for it!'

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