Whatever your age, it’s never too late for a little loving! We take you through some common causes for sex going off the boil, and help you to relight your relationship's fire…

You might think of sex as something that used to be a fun part of your relationship - if this is the case, stop right now! We all deserve a fulfilling sex life, whether we're in the first flush of youth or well into our twilight years. It's great for our self-esteem and health, integral to a happy relationship, and the excitement doesn't have to dwindle as we get older. Here's how you can rekindle your passion and make sex more fun than ever - without going anywhere near a sex shop!

By Karen Evennett  

If you find it impossible to relax for sex because anxious thoughts from your day keep creeping into your head, lengthen the time you wind down with each other, and use calming essential oils in your room. Try neroli in an oil burner, which has euphoric and aphrodisiac qualities.

Taking exercise can help to boost your self-esteem by giving you a different kind of body awareness - the pleasure of feeling that your muscles have been worked and stretched. Yoga, Pilates and dance all improve posture, which improves the way you view your body in the mirror, and in turn makes you feel more sexual.

It's not just women who go off sex. If the problem lies with your partner, try getting help from a professional counsellor. They can ask the awkward questions and suggest trying things that you may be embarrassed to talk about. Contact the British Association of Sexual Relationship Therapists at www.basrt.org

The first question you should probably ask yourself is, ‘Do I have any interest in sex?' If you still fantasise about film stars but have no interest in your partner, then it's your relationship that needs to be addressed. If you have absolutely zero libido, you need to look at your health. Depression, stress, tiredness and hormonal or nutritional imbalances can all take their toll on your sex drive. The answer may be as simple as taking more time out for yourself or boosting the zinc in your diet (with red meat or a good-quality supplement). Alternatively, you may need a hormonal treatment (for example, a testosterone patch - speak to your GP) or to seek professional help for depression.

‘Resentment is a common reason for going off sex,' says Jean Miller, a psychosexual relationship therapist. ‘Look at underlying problems between you and your partner. If you can confront these in a positive way (such as with the help of a counsellor), you will become emotionally closer and that will make you feel more like getting physically close again, too.' 

Try to re-establish the kind of relationship you had with your partner when sex was still fun - before your busy lives got in the way. Jean explains, ‘Good long-term sex requires emotional intimacy, and that comes from spending quality time together. If all your time as a couple is spent slumped in front of the TV, doing household chores or talking about your children, you're not priming yourselves for good sex. So make it a rule that you will go on at least one old-fashioned date with each other every week - go to a new restaurant, the cinema or an art gallery. Shop-talk about domestic life and family problems should be off limits on these dates. Getting back from a night out where you felt like a young and free couple will put you in tune with each other again and, as intimacy improves, you'll be more likely to want to round off the evening with love-making.'

... not necessarily of the risqué variety. ‘A good way to get used to talking to each other about sex and what does and doesn't turn you on is to explore a wide range of DVDs together. View romantic dramas and thrillers - most have some sexual content and some of it you will find arousing. Open up and tell your partner about what turned you on, and get him to do the same. Out of ten or 12 films, you're bound to find a few that you both find erotic,' says Jean.

This should occur in the middle of your menstrual cycle, but you can use an ovulation test kit to check. Right before ovulation, women get a boost of oxytocin. This is called the ‘bonding hormone' because it makes you feel more connected with loved ones, and also usefully dulls your memory of your partner's annoying traits (such as leaving his dirty socks on the floor!), so you feel more attracted to him. This is the prime time for a romantic evening in, so get the date in your diary.

When ovulation stops (with the menopause), hormonal changes can affect your libido. But even if you're in the mood, sex may be physically impossible if you lack natural lubrication (due to lack of oestrogen). Experiment with the many lubricants available and encourage your partner to make these a part of your warm-up routine.

Find some kind of exercise or sport that you can do as a couple. Whether it's dancing, running or yoga, exercise is relaxing and invigorating, and makes you feel better about your body. Doing it as a shared activity will give you something to enjoy together, and contribute to your intimacy and bonding. Exercise also raises levels of endorphins - which make you feel more lively. Your increased physical stamina will be useful in bed, too!

When your relationship was in the exciting honeymoon period, you probably needed little excuse to have sex, and arousal came easily to you. After years together, a quick grope on the sofa is unlikely to have the same effect. ‘You need to work harder but, for many couples, love-making improves with time, as you know what you want from each other - and what you don't,' says Jean. ‘It sounds corny but a candlelit bedroom, soft music and a nice massage work wonders for most women.'

You're more likely to climax if you're close and connected to your partner. Once your relationship is on track, a quality L-arginine supplement (1000mg-3000mg from health stores) taken right before sex can help a lot. This is an amino acid that increases production of nitric oxide, a chemical released by the genital nerves during arousal, sending much-needed blood to the area. A well-toned pelvic floor also enhances orgasm - visit www.mypelvicfitness.com for tips. Most crucial is the pubococcygeus muscle (also known as the PC muscle), which is the one you rely on when you're desperate for the loo but have to hang on. Practise tightening and releasing this muscle in short bursts 20 times a day.

This is a kind of sexual yoga that harnesses a powerful energy that lies dormant at the base of our spines. When you release it, you get a surge of joy throughout your body. Try this pelvic bouncing exercise - lie on your back with your knees bent and feet flat on the floor, then raise your pelvis and start to bounce it up and down. During tantric sex, you exchange this energy with your partner, optimising the pleasure you both experience. A good introductory book is 'Tantra: The Art of Mind Blowing Sex' by Val Sampson (Vermilion, £12.99).