Vibrators: take control of your sex life

Woman laying down in bed wearing underwear

I shouldn’t need a vibrator, it’s not natural

Many of us feel like that at first. We’re worried that any orgasm we have with a vibrator will be artificial and we won’t be able to take credit for it. But becoming aroused with the help of a sex toy is the same process as being aroused by any other means – it’s just that some of us just need a little more stimulation. It’s also worth remembering that masturbating with a vibrator can actually be good for you – it keeps your Kegel muscles toned and your libido charged.

But I’m too embarrassed...

Don’t be. Since 'Sex And The City' made them OK, there’s nothing shameful about owning a vibrator. Nearly 60 per cent of women have one, and 75 per cent of those that do are married.

I couldn’t go into a shop and buy one

Thanks to the internet, you don’t have to. Try a female-friendly site like www.sh-womenstore.co. The Rampant Rabbit is the most popular vibrator, but there are lots of kinds out there so shop around. It’s worth reading the user reviews first.

Won’t it ruin normal sex for me?

Does driving stop you enjoying a walk? Of course not. It’s just that sometimes you want to get where you’re going faster – and that’s what a vibrator offers. But even if you use yours a lot, it still won’t affect the way your body responds to sex with a human being.

I’m worried what my husband will think

Vibrators don’t get tired and they’re always up for it. No wonder many of us think our men would be threatened by our sex toys. And yes, some men are too insecure to share their bed with a gadget that’s bigger, firmer and more efficient than themselves. But 70 per cent actually have no problem with women using vibrators.

What if I want to use one with him?

Many women do – just be tactful. Don’t terrify him by pulling out a giant one. Bigger doesn’t always mean better, anyway. Begin by using the vibrator on different muscle areas of each other’s bodies, then move on to the genitals. It doesn’t all have to be about you, either. Some men enjoy vibrator stimulation on their genitals too, although others may find it too intense.

To find a local sex therapist, visit cosrt.org.uk