Prima short story winner: November

 
Anne Robinson  versus Allan Lee

‘Anne Robinson could not defeat my stepdad, Allan. He wore an eye patch and reclined beneath a checked blanket, drinking tea through a straw, but her caustic questions on The Weakest Link never daunted him. The contestants were a team of nine, but we were a solid team of two, our armchairs adjacent.

 
At 5.15pm we'd take our seats and go head to head with Ms Robinson, her one-liners, and her victims.

 
"Who has been diagnosed with terminal ignorance?" she demanded of a particularly dismal team one rainy afternoon. Allan laughed and shook his head, agreeing that they were a moronic bunch. His diagnosis had never been ignorance, only cancer, a far heavier sentence, but one he battled with dignity.

 
We loved to laugh at the contestants who endured the Walk of Shame when they were voted off. "That half-wit never stood a chance," Allan would say. We, of course, would never have been voted off. In the Head to Head at the end of the show, two would fight for the big prize. Allan always beat both of them.

 
I wrote to Anne, telling her about Allan's enjoyment of the show, his refusal to let her win, and his equally determined battle with cancer, and she sent a signed picture. Her bold squiggle read, "Keep fighting, Allan." He cried when I presented it to him, in a bronze frame, and insisted it stand on top of the TV, never to be moved.

 
"Tell me when we've won," Allan said towards the end of the series, when he could only stay awake for ten minutes, and had no interest in his cup of tea and straw. I wasn't sure I could do so without his input - questions about the war and the nineteenth century fazed me - but I didn't have the heart to rouse him for an answer. He would open his one eye when the news started and ask, "Did we win?" "Of course," I'd say.

 
Anne Robinson was at his funeral, glaring at guests from on top of the TV. I remembered her show-opening words, "One of you is about to leave with nothing." She was wrong; Allan was definitely the victor. We always leave with something. It might not be what we expect, or a large cash prize, but everything leaves its mark.

 
I watch The Weakest Link still, but I struggle to answer all the questions - though sometimes I think I can hear Allan whispering them in my ear, the history and the general knowledge ones that we wordlessly agreed he would take care of. Perhaps I knew them all along, perhaps I just enjoyed seeing him fight, and ultimately win.

 
And I imagine Anne's voice closing the show: "Allan, you are the strongest link, goodbye."'

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