she - confession nov 2009 - Totally Sickened by article
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she - confession nov 2009 - Totally Sickened by article
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I have just read the article on "why i am happy to be a mistress" and am totally devestated by it - the way it protrays an obviously self centered woman who cannot&nbsp; manage to stay married, who th
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she - confession nov 2009 - Totally Sickened by article
posted at 13/10/2009 10:31 AM GDT
eve
First post: 13/10/2009
Last post: 13/10/2009
Total posts: 1
I have just read the article on "why i am happy to be a mistress" and am totally devestated by it - the way it protrays an obviously self centered woman who cannot  manage to stay married, who then is happy to help ruin another marriage - makes me feel physically sick by the smug attitude - I must be old fashioned but i could never hurt people like that but there are so many out there who think of themselves only - there is a thing called self restraint 
Re: she - confession nov 2009 - Totally Sickened by article
posted at 13/10/2009 5:22 PM GDT
First post: 2/9/2008
Last post: 21/11/2009
Total posts: 909

Hi Eve,

I felt the same when I read the article. It is not being old-fashioned, it is just knowing how uncaring  and  irresponsible this behaviour is particulalry if children are involved.

Re: she - confession nov 2009 - Totally Sickened by article
posted at 13/10/2009 10:53 PM GDT
First post: 23/9/2008
Last post: 21/11/2009
Total posts: 3061

I haven't read the article in question, and I must say my first response to your post was 'Well, she's obviously not French.'

I don't necessarily think the whole mistress thing is a bad idea per se, and a lot of wives are happy to accommodate it for various reasons.

But from what you say, the woman in the article is not playing by the rules. Being a mistress is not about causing mayhem and hurt inside a marriage, and if this woman is indulging in that, then there are all sorts of other, much more unpleasant names that she deserves.

I think I'd rather save that kind my most excoriating scorn for the likes of nursery nurses who abuse their charges and sell the photos on the internet. I certainly don't think stories like hers should be censored.

 
 
 
 


Re: she - confession nov 2009 - Totally Sickened by article
posted at 16/10/2009 12:03 AM GDT
First post: 24/8/2009
Last post: 13/11/2009
Total posts: 59

I haven't read the article in question either but my gut response was "why would any woman be happy to remain a mistress and why isn't an equal portion of scorn being poured on the man in question"?

An awful lot of wives are not happy to accommodate such an arrangement, nor are many men happy to realise their wives are bedding other men. 

One man of my acquantance married a woman with several children who took up with an old flame after just a year of being married and my friend had the choice of losing his home and a vast amount of his salary to the wife and stepchildren or living a lie.  If the French are happy with this, then good luck to them; I suspect that many are not and go through a lot of heartbreak.

Don't kid yourself that a woman wants to remain a mistress for ever; like Camilla Parker Bowles they are just biding their time and waiting for an opportune moment to make their move.  As for men with a married lover, they can have their cake and eat it, so to speak.  At least, until the husband finds out.

Re: she - confession nov 2009 - Totally Sickened by article
posted at 17/10/2009 12:12 AM GDT
First post: 24/10/2008
Last post: 21/11/2009
Total posts: 1713

I know this is going 'off point' but not all women want to be married.  For some women being a mistress is a very satisfactory state of affairs, all the good bits and none of the bad.

I have been on both sides of the debate, as a wife I was devestated that another woman could do this to me, as a mistress I understood that there must be something lacking at home for him to need a mistress.  (I am not talking about the kind of man who just wants a leg over).

At the end of the day the man could just say no.  We tend to still treat men as poor creatures who just cannot help themselves against the wicked mistress.  It is not the job of one woman to protect the marriage of a stranger, that is the husband's job, and lets not forget that often the man doesn't even admit to being married until the deed has been done.


blog post photo

My Barney

Re: she - confession nov 2009 - Totally Sickened by article
posted at 17/10/2009 8:25 PM GDT
First post: 24/8/2009
Last post: 13/11/2009
Total posts: 59

I must admit to being puzzled that a mistress would get "all the good bits and none of the bad".  Many of them moan that their lovers are elsewhere at Christmas, birthdays and other family occasions, from which the mistress must be excluded.  That wouldn't be my idea of a satisfactory state of affairs (no pun intended).

Whether or not "the man admits to being married until the deed has been done" is not really the issue; it's whether such a woman would consider her behaviour to be morally right and continue in such a relationship.  Sure, she can tell herself that something must be lacking at home (and perhaps she's right or perhaps some men are just plain greedy).  Whatever the circumstances, she is generally a threat to the marriage whether she admits this to herself or not and her partner's actions are a threat too.  They don't call it cheating for nothing.

Re: she - confession nov 2009 - Totally Sickened by article
posted at 17/10/2009 11:04 PM GDT
First post: 23/9/2008
Last post: 21/11/2009
Total posts: 3061

My husband had mistresses, long-term relationships with two or three women. I was vaguely aware of them, but frankly not that interested as I knew perfectly well that my relationship with him and our marriage were in no way threatened.

He wasn't a rat, or a bad person, just a man attracted to a certain sort of clever and amusing woman. Two were in other countries, when he was away from home for longish periods.

My only proviso was that not so much as a postcard should enter my home - that was my territory. In fact, after a while both relationships fizzled out into long-term friendships - still exclusive to him. Next year we will have been happily married for 40 years. The point about this is that there are as many stories out there as there are couples. 

 
 
 
 


Re: she - confession nov 2009 - Totally Sickened by article
posted at 18/10/2009 8:12 PM GDT
First post: 24/10/2008
Last post: 21/11/2009
Total posts: 1713

If a 'mistress' is looking for a man to  spend Christmas and family events with then she will be disappointed by a married man whose loyalties when all else is said tend to stay with the wife.  Men who fall in love with their mistress tend to leave the wife very quickly and there is usually a lot more going on at home to break down the marriage than just the affair.  Some women although not wanting their noses rubbed in it, welcome another woman in their husband's life to take away the physical responsibilities of the marriage.

Yes, a mistress may be a threat to some marriages, but there will always be another attractive woman around the next bend and if one lady says no another will say yes. 

It is human nature for people to look after themselves first and worry about others later.  You cannot put the onus of keeping a man faithful on all of womankind. No matter how attractive a woman might be, if the husband wants to be faithful to his wife he will turn away.  Every marriage is different and I know from personal experience how devastating an affair can be, but I do accept that if my first husband was going to stray there was nothing I could do to stop him, he could have turned to a prostitute after all.


blog post photo

My Barney

Re: she - confession nov 2009 - Totally Sickened by article
posted at 18/10/2009 11:18 PM GDT
First post: 24/8/2009
Last post: 13/11/2009
Total posts: 59


Replying to:

My husband had mistresses, long-term relationships with two or three women. I was vaguely aware of them, but frankly not that interested as I knew perfectly well that my relationship with him and our marriage were in no way threatened. He wasn't a rat, or a bad person, just a man attracted to a certain sort of clever and amusing woman. Two were in other countries, when he was away from home for longish periods. My only proviso was that not so much as a postcard should enter my home - that was my territory. In fact, after a while both relationships fizzled out into long-term friendships - still exclusive to him. Next year we will have been happily married for 40 years. The point about this is that there are as many stories out there as there are couples. 
Posted by bideshi

You have been extraordinarily candid, bideshi and I wouldn't presume to comment on your marital arrangement, except to ponder whether someone in your circumstances could be entirely certain that these affairs were in no way a threat to the marriage.  I don't feel that any one of us could make that statement in absolute certainty, but that is just how I feel.  I feel that you must be a very tolerant person.

Sometimes, when chatting with friends, the topic has come up and all the women present would say with absolute certainty (or so we were led to believe} that their husbands would never stray, no way.  I don't feel that you can be 100% sure of what any man will do, or not do. 

It is intriguing that a woman would see her home as "her territory" but not her man.  I would feel entirely the opposite.  Perhaps it's often the case that the cheated on wife would rather turn a blind eye to indiscretions than confront them.  Whichever the case, adultery most often is detrimental to a marriage, when it is discovered.  When I hear that men think it's only about sex, I have to say that they are kidding themselves, it's about being intimate with a third person and kidding themselves that it does not matter.  

I think it is interesting too that men are much more intolerant of adultery and are far more likely to leave their partners when they find out they have been cheated on.  

Re: she - confession nov 2009 - Totally Sickened by article
posted at 19/10/2009 8:21 AM GDT
First post: 28/4/2008
Last post: 22/11/2009
Total posts: 6330

Pandora why is it intriguing to see one's home as one's territory but not our men/partner?  Surely we own our homes and could never presume to own our men/partner.

 

Pat x
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer up someone else!

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