I haven't read the article in question, and I must say my first response to your post was 'Well, she's obviously not French.'

I don't necessarily think the whole mistress thing is a bad idea per se, and a lot of wives are happy to accommodate it for various reasons.

But from what you say, the woman in the article is not playing by the rules. Being a mistress is not about causing mayhem and hurt inside a marriage, and if this woman is indulging in that, then there are all sorts of other, much more unpleasant names that she deserves.

I think I'd rather save that kind my most excoriating scorn for the likes of nursery nurses who abuse their charges and sell the photos on the internet. I certainly don't think stories like hers should be censored.

 

 

 

 

I know this is going 'off point' but not all women want to be married.  For some women being a mistress is a very satisfactory state of affairs, all the good bits and none of the bad.

I have been on both sides of the debate, as a wife I was devestated that another woman could do this to me, as a mistress I understood that there must be something lacking at home for him to need a mistress.  (I am not talking about the kind of man who just wants a leg over).

At the end of the day the man could just say no.  We tend to still treat men as poor creatures who just cannot help themselves against the wicked mistress.  It is not the job of one woman to protect the marriage of a stranger, that is the husband's job, and lets not forget that often the man doesn't even admit to being married until the deed has been done.

My husband had mistresses, long-term relationships with two or three women. I was vaguely aware of them, but frankly not that interested as I knew perfectly well that my relationship with him and our marriage were in no way threatened.

He wasn't a rat, or a bad person, just a man attracted to a certain sort of clever and amusing woman. Two were in other countries, when he was away from home for longish periods.

My only proviso was that not so much as a postcard should enter my home - that was my territory. In fact, after a while both relationships fizzled out into long-term friendships - still exclusive to him. Next year we will have been happily married for 40 years. The point about this is that there are as many stories out there as there are couples. 

 

 

 

 

Replying to:

You have been extraordinarily candid, bideshi and I wouldn't presume to comment on your marital arrangement, except to ponder whether someone in your circumstances could be entirely certain that these affairs were in no way a threat to the marriage.  I don't feel that any one of us could make that statement in absolute certainty, but that is just how I feel.  I feel that you must be a very tolerant person.

Sometimes, when chatting with friends, the topic has come up and all the women present would say with absolute certainty (or so we were led to believe} that their husbands would never stray, no way.  I don't feel that you can be 100% sure of what any man will do, or not do. 

It is intriguing that a woman would see her home as "her territory" but not her man.  I would feel entirely the opposite.  Perhaps it's often the case that the cheated on wife would rather turn a blind eye to indiscretions than confront them.  Whichever the case, adultery most often is detrimental to a marriage, when it is discovered.  When I hear that men think it's only about sex, I have to say that they are kidding themselves, it's about being intimate with a third person and kidding themselves that it does not matter.  

I think it is interesting too that men are much more intolerant of adultery and are far more likely to leave their partners when they find out they have been cheated on.